I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
