Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
