Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
