i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
