I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
