Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
being pregnant is like rehab
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
