She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
