I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
