I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
