just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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