sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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