you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
