This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
