Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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