i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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