Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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