Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
