hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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