**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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