Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
