it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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