It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
