: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
