we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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