just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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