So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
