i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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