I wish I only lived at night.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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