the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you would pick up someone in the library
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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