i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
