you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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