Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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