I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
