ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
