What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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