guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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