So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
