just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
