ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
