I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
