I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
