She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize