I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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