Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
