The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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