Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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