Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
