I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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