Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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