and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did I show you my penis last night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
