I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
