can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
