his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
