You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
