I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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