i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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