Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
