And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
