you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize