We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
this hospital has no fireball
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
