Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
