Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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