I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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