I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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