That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
