My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
