Pappa wants mamma naked
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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