I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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