It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no. you can't hotbox the world.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
