i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
