woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my penis made a compromise with my morals
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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